


Up Against The Wall

by falltimeastronaut



Category: Simple Plan (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-06
Updated: 2016-05-06
Packaged: 2018-06-06 19:36:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6767098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/falltimeastronaut/pseuds/falltimeastronaut
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A song fic based on "Up Against The Wall" by Boys Like Girls</p>
            </blockquote>





	Up Against The Wall

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry in advance

**_It's over  
_** **_Look out below  
_ ** **_And I'm wasted  
_ ** **_I still taste it  
_****_Yeah it's so hard to let go_**

 

I can’t remember the last time I have come home sober. I can’t remember the last time I haven’t hoped I could drink him out of my thoughts. But that never happened, he was always there. After 1 beer, after 2, sometimes even after 9 or 10. Every day I wake up to the taste of alcohol in my mouth and every day I tell myself that won’t happen again. But I know it will, it always does, since the day he left. 

 

 **_So breathe in now  
_ ** **_And breathe it out_ **

 

Living has become difficult since he left and breathing became the only thing that kept me alive. I’m trying to be okay with that, but somehow it doesn’t work. Sometimes I have to remind myself to keep on breathing when all I want is to stop. I’ve never been more miserable in my life than right at this very moment, but honestly, I wasn’t gonna change that. I had lost him, not long ago, maybe a few weeks, but it hurts like hell. It hurts like nothing that has ever hurt me in my life before. 

 

 **_The forecast  
_** **_A car crash  
_ ** **_It's looking like another  
_ ** ******_Breakdown, rebound_**

 

And I broke down again. I’m laying on my bed bawling my eyes out as I suddenly heard a knock on the door. I didn’t plan to go and see whoever it was. I didn’t want to see anyone. It’s been like this since he’s left. His name tastes bitter on my tongue so I avoid it at all cost. But the knocking got more permanent and I knew, whoever it was, they wouldn’t give up. So I tried to dry my eyes as good as I could and walked towards the door, opening it. I didn’t expect to see _him_ standing there. „H-hey Pierre“, he said, rubbing his neck. „What do you want?“, I said probably harsher than I wanted it to sound. „I think we should talk.“ _No, no there’s nothing to talk about anymore_. „Sure“, I finally said and let him enter my house. As we went to the living room, he looked back at me. „Have you been crying?“ _Shit_. „N-no“, I said and I knew he didn’t buy it. „Pierre everything smells of alcohol here“, he stated. _I know._ But what was I supposed to tell him? That I’ve been drinking every day since he was gone? No, I’m not gonna admit that to him. „Yeah I had a party going on yesterday and we got pretty wasted“, I lied. „Ah right.“ „What did you want to talk about David?“, I asked, his name burning on my tongue. „You see, I’m gonna make this short. I think we shouldn’t be friends anymore. We should start seeing someone else and-“ „AND WHAT DAVID? YOU CHEATED ON ME FOR THE PAST 2 MONTHS, I THINK YOU’RE ALREADY SEEING SOMEONE ELSE!“ I practically screamed at him as tears streamed down my face. „No, no you know that’s not true Pie.“ „Don’t call me that“, I snapped. „Alright, alright, but you see Pierre, I don’t love you anymore, and being friends would ruin you even more. You should move on Pierre.“ Every time he mentioned my name, it felt like someone stabbed me in the heart. Well, maybe he did, but his words were like extra stabs in the back. Everything just hurts.

 

**_This could be my last goodbye  
_** **_You crossed your heart, I hope to die_ **

 

„Get out David“, I said. I couldn’t bear him here anymore. I needed to forget again, needed to get him out of my head. „Pierre-“, he started. „I SAID GET OUT!“ And with that, he got up and walked towards the door. „Goodbye Pierre“, he said as he turned around one last time to look at me. Then he walked out and closed the door behind him. „Goodbye“, I said, way too late and way too quiet for him to hear. But I couldn’t take it anymore; I screamed, I screamed at the top of my lungs while the tears were streaming down my face as the memories shot back in flashbacks.

 

**_And I can't deny your eyes  
_** **_You know I tried to read between the lines_ **

 

_„Pierre we should.. take a break“, David said to me as he played with my hair. I looked at him confused. „What do you mean?“ I sat upright and faced him as my eyes filled with water. „I don’t think that’s working out anymore between us Pierre and-“ „No, no, no, no, no this is not true, this is not happening, please say you’re joking, please!“ The last parts came more out as whimpers. „I’m sorry Pierre“, he said. „There’s someone else, isn’t it?“, I said, tears watering my eyes. He didn’t reply. It was true. He looked at me. „I love you Pierre, you know that“, he said. Lies. „And I would never cheat on you.“ Lies. „I just think it doesn’t work out anymore between us.“ I could see it in his eyes. He didn’t love me anymore. And I guess that was the worst part of it all. His words didn’t hurt, but his lies did._

 

**_I saw a warning sign  
_** **_And then you threw me up against the wall_ **

 

_I couldn’t take it anymore, I broke down right in front of him. With my eyes blurring out my vision, I tried to hold onto him. I didn’t want to let him go, I needed him. But he didn’t need me, I realized that when he tried to escape my grip. But I didn’t loose it, I couldn’t lose him. He managed to get out of my grip and stood up, but I couldn’t let him go, so I jumped up and clenched my fists at his shirt, begging for him to stay. But he didn’t. He threw me away so that I fell against the wall and collapsed._

 

**_Who said that it's better to have loved and lost?  
_** **_I wish that I had never loved at all_ **

 

And now I’m sitting on my couch. I can’t scream anymore, my voice gave in. I can’t cry anymore, my eyes went dry. But I didn’t feel better, not even a bit. In fact I felt worse than before. I let him go; again. Sometimes I wish I’d never met him, never loved him because losing him hurt. It still does. The thought of his name still made me sick and his words were still spinning in my mind. _„Being friends would ruin you even more. You should move on Pierre“_ I don’t believe him. Being friends wouldn’t ruin me. That does. Not having him around is ruining me. I can’t move on. And with that, my eyes began to water again and on the one hand I was glad, because there was finally a relieve of all this sadness.

 

**_No rewinds  
_** **_No second times_ **

 

I knew he wouldn’t come back. I knew I would never see him again. But I want to. I still need him. I need him more than anything. But I can’t go back now, I can’t make him love me again. I can’t take back all the bad things I’ve done, I can’t take back all the bad things he’s done. I can’t make everything right again. And even if I would give him a second shot, he wouldn’t.

 

 **_And I won't break  
_** **_I won't waste  
_ ** _**Everything you left behind**_

 

I told myself that he isn’t worth breaking down. And I have succeeded for the past couple of hours. But truth be told; I will never get over him. And I guess I have to live with that. He won’t come back again, so why should I?

 

**_So don't follow  
_** **_Just let it go_ **

 

Maybe he was right. I have to move on, let him go. But maybe that’s the hardest part of it. Moving on means forgetting and I don’t think I could ever forget him or the things he’s done, whether they were good or bad. So I decided alcohol is a good thing to make me forget again. It’s been long forgotten how that didn’t help. At the moment all I wanted was just to get him out of my mind. I didn’t think about all the times I tried that and it didn’t help, but I needed it right now. The bitter taste of it on my tongue. It was more bitter than his name. The only thing that was.

 

**_All the nights I spent sitting at home while you were out there on your own  
_** **_All the nights I waited by the phone while you were going it alone_ **

 

I am pretty wasted by now, that was for sure. I am currently twisting my phone round and round, hoping it would get as dizzy as I am right now. Maybe I just wished he would call. Yeah it was probably that. I slowly realized that drinking won’t solve it. I still had him on my mind. I know he’s out with his new boyfriend, I never believed him when he said he didn’t cheat on me. I know he did, I saw it in his eyes. But I’m still waiting for his call, even though I know he will never call again. I still miss him, but he probably doesn’t spend a thought on me anymore. 

 

**_And all your different faces and all your different ways of making everything a mess  
_** **_And all I'm saying is that all your different places and all the complications lead to this_ **

 

And then I got some pain killers. I took them one by one. I lost count at 6, but they tasted awful with the alcohol. I didn’t care. Now I’m dialing his number, hoping he’d pick it up. It rang, one time, two times and then he picks up. „Pierre?“, he asked, his voice so small. Did he cry? No, he probably wouldn’t want to be heard talking to me by his new boyfriend. „Hey David“, I slurred out and suddenly his name didn’t taste as bitter anymore. The alcohol’s been worse. „Pierre are you drunk? Fuck, where are you?“ That was one of his faces. The one where he cared. But he doesn’t do that for long. „Why do you care? We’re not friends anymore, you don’t love me anymore, why do you care?“ I felt more sober by now, but the alcohol was still burning. „No Pierre, I still care about you-“, he started, but I cut him off. „You don’t. You left me here alone with nothing but myself.“ „That’s not true, you said you had a part-“ I stopped him. „Pathetic little David. I’ve never seen anyone in weeks, except you the other day. I don’t want to see anyone if they’re not you. But it’s okay, you don’t need to care about me for long anymore. You can live your life happily.“ He was silent for a minute. „Pierre what do you mean? What are you doing?“ There was a hint of caring in his voice, but that was just one of his faces. I didn’t reply to him. I felt myself getting weaker and weaker. „The last thing I wanted before I go was to hear your voice“, I said so weakly. „No Pierre, don’t say that, what have you done? You’re not going anywhere. Pierre I, I still love you, you can’t leave me“, he said and I swear I heard the tears running down his face. „You don’t. David forget me, like I was supposed to.“ And then the line went dead. I know I should cry now, but I was too weak to cry. I just waited for the moment I wouldn’t feel anything anymore.

But then I heard the door shattering. If this was a thief, he didn’t need to do much anymore, I was already in a bad state. „Pierre!“ It was David. He runs to me and I see his tears running down his face. „Pierre don’t die on me“, he literally begged me. But I knew I would. „Please forget me“, I said, my voice getting weaker and weaker. „No, Pierre please“, he cried harder by that time.

„Kiss me“, I said. And he did, oh he did kiss me; with as much passion as he never has before. As he pulled away I smiled at him one last time before my vision went black.


End file.
